yesterdae was a very sad day for me as around sven pm in the evening, i receive a new from my daddy that my aunt have passed away at 6 pm in the hospital... i really very shocked upon hearing this new... why on earth this must happen to my beloved aunt... why must they take her away from us... we just hope that she will be able to make it over this ching min day.. and maybe this will be better for her.... but why "they" just dun let her go.... why must bring her together with "them"? i know she cant bear to leave us cos before she parted us few days ago... she did cry... why cant "they" grant her wish to survive.... i really cant face the reality that she leave us... she's one of the closest relative i have... and yet now i have lost her... and i know this for sure.. she wont come back to me again le... and all the promises we have for each other... now cant fulfilled le.. our trip to genting... and my 21st birthdae for this year.. and we cant go shopping together anymore le... i know she alway wan me to choose clothes for her... and she always enjoy my company with her to shopping every chinese new year... and all these have to be part of my past events with her... i really very very regret thAT last time, i scolded her when she started to yi sheng yi gui... but reason for scolding her is for her good sake.. cos i dun wish to see her in such state... maybe she also dun feel any better in her condition... but i really hope to see her well mah... before she leave us... she haven even wake up to talk to us... and yet she just leave us like tt... hw can she be so heartless... never even leave any msg for us...
life is always so unpredictable... why god make us come alone to this world.. and also let us died alone... if really need to die... then why must god make us live in this world... is it.. because that they wan us to experienece pain... and let us suffer.... life somtime is really dam meaningless lo... and also dam useless... everyday there are sure people die.. but people always hope that it isnt anyone who's close to them...
nowadays, me have been bothering about my study loan.. just cant find any bank to loan me... is it money so important... why on earth require money such thing.. why people alway say tian xia mei you bai chi de wu chang... maybe that's the logic ba... if you wan something u tend to sacrifice something ba... or should say bu zhe shou duan to get something lo... no matter wat now the i realised money can buy alot of things... including love... cos if you got money even ur relative will suck up to u... but if u dun have they will ditch u behind and try to avoid from you.... so doesnt mean that ur own brother or relative will standby ur side whenever u are in trouble... all these are just an act lo... they can say till very nicely... but when this really happen u dun expect to see them le...
this 2005 to me is really not a very good year... whatever bad things happen to me but none of the good events fall on me... maybe this is part of passes i need to encounter ba... perhap this is the only way that can make me mature ba... on the other hand... if really require me to pass thru all these pain and take away my closest kin... i rather dun be mature and forever stay as my usual self... i just hope that my aunt living in another "world" will be happy and do visit us when she free... i really hope i can dreamt of her and let me know that she is well..
